Can't believe he's already 25 now. He was only 21 when I first knew him.
Time flies so so fast.

Initially, the plan was not to celebrate his birthday at Jurong Point *pfft!*. And I was about to miss his birthday because I really thought 28th falls on the Sunday. So my first plan was to surprise him during his shift at Orchard on Sunday. But when I found out that 28th actually falls on Thursday, I rushed to get everything done in time. Because since I thought that 28th is on Sunday, I delayed everything I could, including the cake.

Just before I had my surgery last Tuesday, I managed to walk around Jurong Point with my 1st brother. Got him to accompany me to do some present survey for my baby. Walked for quite awhile when I stumbled onto a sweatshirt. Instantly, it caught both mine and brother's eyes. And the price is reasonable too. And so, made up my mind to purchase that a day after my surgery.

Right after my surgery, Dad told me to check the calender for Sunday. And so I deliberately told him its the 28th. Just as soon as he heard that, he laughed and knocked on my head.

Dad: "What day is today?"
Me: "Tuesday, why?"
Dad: "What date is it today?"
Me: "26th.. why?".... OMG!!!!!!!!!!

Get the picture, yet? Thanks dad for pointing out this blurred daughter of yours. See, I was wondering, if today(that Tuesday) is 26th, 28th couldn't be on the Sunday. And so, I rushed to my room. Get the black book and start drooling anything and everything I can start with. Then the moment I finished the first page, it was already 9pm. Baby called to say that he's already on his way to pick me up and drive to JB. I gave excuses like I was helping Mom with some chores and delayed the time.

I managed to get the first page done by 10pm. And I knew for sure, that he'll be spending the night at my house that day, so I kept the book at a very safe place where he can never be able to find.

The next following day, Nabilah came over to use my lappy. While she did her things, I did mine too. At about 2pm, we went off to Jurong Point. I wanted to get the sweatshirt for him, but after thinking for sometime, I decided to get him something else instead. And then, ordered a cake as well. Well, I thought of ordering the cake from my cousin, knowing that she's a expert. But then, another turnoff. It was too late. So I decided to drop by any halal cake shop and told them what I wanted. They said they can surely put it down. And so, without any hesitation, I placed my order and paid the whole amount.

I told Nabilah that I planned to give him a surprise. I'll be at the East Coast beach first, then called him up to meet me there. By the time he reaches there, everything will already be prepared. I can already picture everything in my mind.

Then, as soon as we reached baby's home later that Wednesday, Nabilah told Mak about my plan. And so, Mak turned to me and asked to change plan instead. I was a little(more than little actually) upset, but wouldn't show it. Who wouldn't, tell me? I can already picture everything to be perfect. A perfect candle lite dinner by the sea, a windy afternoon, the waves, and the sunset for sure. I had no other words but to say OK. Because who I am to stop them from celebrating their son's birthday? I am not officially his wife, YET. I realise who I am.. No more words.. SHUSH!

So, the next day, while baby was having his course, I finished up the book, get everything prepared. Met up with Nabilah and the rest at LJS(why LJS?) Cos mak has been craving for them =) . Went to collect the cake. On my way to collect the cake, I can already picture the cake to be the perfect one. Because since my plan got screwed up, atleast with the cake, it will make me happy. But the moment the sales girl opened up the box, and the minute I got my eyes on it, all I felt was picking up the cake and throw it on her face. It wasn't like what I've ordered for. Plus, the moment when I got back to my seat at LJS, I realised she did not give me the candle stand. So I had to rushed back, and scold her directly in the face.

I was literally VERY upset with everything. I just wanted a perfect birthday for him. EVERYTHING screwed up :( I was about to cry, but had to hold on to my tears.

When he finally showed up, there was no surprise look at all. Everything that I dreamt for didn't happened. I was literally VERY VERY VERY sad.

Soon after we finished the late lunch, the rest walked around JP while the both of us drive out to have some privacy. Brought him to the Flyers where we had our laugh there. Atlast, I can see a smile on his face. I eventually told him about all the screwed up plan. But he don't mind it and says that I can always do that on other days.

"Like when? I told you about my plan already syg, and if on your next birthday, I tell you to come down to ECP, you'll surely know what my plan is already."

Sayang, I am so sorry for the little "not a surprise" birthday yesterday. I hope you like the gift I got you. I promise I'll make it up to you the next time. I Love You.

So what I got for him?






It was heartbreaking.. I can't blame them.. He belongs to them anyway.. Though I was looking forward to give him the BEST surprise ever, I hope he still love the "little surprise"..

It's the 3rd time I've to change my plan.. And it sucks!

Nevertheless, I hope you'll enjoy it baby..

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!



HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY SAYANG!

"I am so heartbroken.. All my plans are ruin!! Please God, let tomorrow be a good one.. Or rather, make it a perfect and unforgetable day.."

I LOVE YOU MUHAMMAD ALIF....
forever..

From Your One & Only Fiancee,
Sajariah......



Whenever I browse through something that had a link to us, it always bring back the memories of our past. See, I can't stop it. It's beyond my control.

Eventhough we've made a pact not to ever mentioned nor talk about it anymore, but being a sensitive person(like I've always been), I can't stop my mind from conquering anything that it wants to. It hurt so bad, you know?

Sometimes, I feel like giving it a pass and let bygone be bygone. But the incident that took place which left me stranded, makes me feel insecured, and I always think that, once it happened, it will happen again. Anytime soon, maybe..

Dear Diary,

You are the only one who feels me thoroughly. I enter you and I spent time typing in you. If only you could talk...

At times, when I'm alone and the memory flashes back in mind, all that I feel I need to do is to let you go. I can't go on like this. I can't control what's beyond my reach. Promises has been made, but words are easy to say, it's us who gotta have to do it.

Dear Allah,

It's with you I can only turn to. Open up my heart, bring shine to it. Let me forget the past and live with the future. Only YOU who understands me completely. It's only YOU who can change what's beyond my reach. It's only to YOU I'm seeking for help. Only YOU, know how I feel deep inside.

Allah, all I'm asking for is not much. I need to clear my past that has been wandering in my mind. Please let me lose my memory. I want to start a new. I've faced too many obstacles in life, too many of them till I can't possibly remember them all. I've faced too many nice and bad people.

Dear Allah,

May you listen to my prayers. I may not be filial like you want me to, but I definitely think about YOU everytime I am about to do something. Allah, may you bless my life with lovely people, who treasure, love, understand me. Keep away all the hatred that people might have on me. Keep away all the jealousy they have on me. Keep the love they have for me.

I have never asked to lead life like this. I never asked to be born. Eventhough life seems perfect to me, nevertheless, it destroyed part of me. I wish to be re-born and lead a perfectly beautiful life. With no jealously surrounding me. I wish I could be someone else. Someone who's blessed with a great family and great company.

It doesn't mean by posting this, I am living a hard life. No, not at all. I love my life, some how, I just love to be in someone's else place.

Being a beautiful person doesn't mean living a beautiful life, doesn't mean we own beautiful body nor beautiful people surrounding us. Being beautiful does not mean anything if the world doesn't appreciate it. Being beautiful doesn't mean guys run after us. Being ugly is better if it makes people stop judging us, if it makes people stop feeling jealous towards us.

I am thankful that I'm blessed with inner and outer beauty. I am thankful that I was born into this family. I am thankful that I've met my soulmate. I am thankful that I am a Muslim. I am thankful that I am able to appreciate every part of this world. I am thankful to Allah for making me better person.

Alhamdulilah. And Insya-Allah, may my generations be filled with happiness, beauty & perfect health.



I have never blamed anyone for my past.
I have never opted any decision for what happened.

For years now, you thought I would have forgotten. I was literally upset when I found out that you thought I blamed you for the situation made. It never crosses my mind to have you infected this way.

FRIENDS to me, come and go. You digged every single info you could, only to know that you would do this to me. I have never thought your re-existence would bring such a heartache.

Friends indeed are full of problems. People change, and so, I thought you do to. I was happy to hear from you, but then, you brought me to tears AGAIN. Mentioning your name doesn't mean I was blaming you, thus, I was praising you, my dear.

I appreciate every single thought you have about me, even though some might be hurtful. Atleast I know, you've been thinking of me, be it good or bad because I was your best friend, before. The one who hold you up when you're down, the one who was always there be it night or morning, rain or shine, through thick or thin. I was the one you've forgotten.



Why is it so hard to meet up with the dentist?

Yesterday I had a VERY bad toothache. So I decided to take an urgent leave and to visit the dentist. Fiance, being the person like he always have been(?), took medical leave as well, just to accompany me to the dentist. We searched high and lows for affordable dentist, but sad to say, there were some, but needed appointment.

So, we ended up driving to Ang Mo Kio x-ray clinic to have my OPG x-ray. And drove back to Causeway Point's Raffles Dental. The receptionists are all malay girls and they are so helpful. The moment I took out my x-ray and showed them, they were all shocked. Believe it, I got my first wisdom tooth at the age of 16! And now, I got 4 of them.

All 4 of my wisdom tooth grow unevenly. 1 grew downward, 1 backward, 1 front-ward and the last one was quite normal. The most painful one is not the serious one. But it hurt so much, and it even made me headache. The most serious one is the one that is not painful at all. The reason why its serious is because its growing front-ward and it will affect the rest of my below front teeth.

So they say, whether I want to save $3000++(pluck out the serious one) or lose $3000++(pluck out the painful one and leave the one infective one). Told daddy about it(cause I'm using his medisave) and he advised me to extract the serious one first and when the day comes to open up my stitches then I'll extract the painful one.

Looks like I'm going to be on a long medical leave.

However, I will still be reporting to office(just for the purpose of not getting fired!)

Will be having my surgery on Monday. Insya-Allah, everything is going to be alright.



I feel rather exhausted now. I haven't been sleeping right lately, due to my kanciong-ness.

So, I have finally decided on my wedding planner, and photographer. And I even engaged my personal photographer(heh!), DJ.

I have yet to book my marriage course. Since I am still below 21 years old, I need to apply under PPIS. Thankfully, its around West area.

All I'm left with is catering, cake, gifts etc.
That will come later.

Oh ya, so.. Finally, I'm 20. Alhamdulilah, I came to this age. Been living for 20 years now, and I am finally getting married. Horray!

Like said above, eventhough my marriage will only be held at the end of the year, I gotta start do some preparations now. Everything will only go pass through me. I wished for a perfect wedding, and Insya-Allah, all our hard work will be paid off..

I don't intend of inviting a big crowd. I have a huge family tree, so, that proves why I have 1000+ guests. I am still not sure of which friend to invite. Since I've lost contact with most of my friends.

Ok, so that's a bout it about my up-coming wedding. I don't want to reveal too much, hope to make it a surprise.

I need to lose these fats! Need to go for my fitting. I don't want to be looking like a mother of 4 :(







It's already the 5th of January.
The only wish that I wish for is for this year to be better than last year. I had a VERY tough 2009. Things that happened was beyond my control. I had no choice but to abide it. Eventhough there were times, things were great, but it did not last any longer.

And I am seriously praying for a better year.

I will be turning 20 in a few days, Insya-Allah. Everytime I think back about my age, I am thankful that I got this far. Each day seems so precious to me. And every day, all I wish to do is spend quality time with my love ones(except for those who don't love me). The reason being is because I HAD not once but thrice, on the verge of dying.

Back in year 2000, when I was still in primary school, my former teacher, Mr Liau, told us not to ever cut oursleves on our veins, especially on our wrist. So, when I reached home later that day, I wanted to get something in my store house. Later did I knew, I accidentally scratched my right wrist. Only then I realised that the tool box was left opened, and a sharp object was facing towards me. And so, blood started oozing out, and I felt weak all over. I knew I was going to die. So, I ran to the toilet, washed the blood and tied up the wound with a thick cloth. And so I went to sleep, while praying hard to God to put me to heaven.

And so, the next day I woke up, realized that I am still alive on my bed. I was lucky that the sharp object did not pierce through that far.

Another incident took place when I was 12 years old. That happened during a gathering I usually had with a friend name Sarah. As frequent as we could, we would dropped by her father house in Bukit Timah condominium. Well, her parents separated while she was way younger.

And as always, we would either hang out in her big room, or at the pool. And so, that one particular day, we were at the pool, swimming of course. I was in the pool(i didn't know to float!), while she sat by the pool, back facing me while talking to her mom on the phone. Suddenly, I slipped and got into the deeper side of the pool. Being a lousy swimmer who does not know how to float, I got panicked and was drowning. I shouted for Sarah, but everytime I was able to breathe for air, I got pulled back to the water and water kept oozing into my mouth. I was freaking scared. I knew I'm gonna die. I had no choice but to splashed as much water as I could to Sarah. And thankfully, she looked back, dropped her phone into the pool and jumped into the water.

The funny part was, everytime she held my head up, I knocked her head down. She then screamed her lungs out and scolded me to stay calm. And eventually, which I did, she pulled me out of the water. And up till now, I owe a part of my life to Sarah.

The last going-to-die experience I had was back in 2008. I was down with asthma attacked. Bf was there with me, and I kept complaining to him about being breathless. All he did was spread some oil on back back, rubbed it awhile and that's it. But the pain didn't stop. And he barely do anything. And obviously I was pretty mad at him coz all he did was watched soccer, and did not pay any attention to me.

So, as much as I wanted to endure the pain, I walked ever so slowly to my room(where my sister is at), lied next to her and complain about the pain. Only then, the attack became worst and I was really breathless. So, she ran to my parents room, and thankfully they were not asleep yet. Dad made some holly water and asked me to drink it. Only then bf came to my room after hearing all those noisy commotion.

Had no choice but to drive to the nearest hospital. Even after having the asthma pumps, it didn't helped. So, I guess in a way to say sorry for neglecting me, bf picked me up(lucky I was thin back then!), and drove to the hospital with my parents.

I was lucky that we came to the hospital in time, or I guess I would be dead.

Those experience thought me a lesson to NEVER take for granted in life..
Therefore, I appreciate every bit of my breathe..



Happy New Year everyone. Though this may sound kinda late, atleast I made an effort.
It's 2010 already. No more looking back to the past.

You are currently viewing:

нттρ://28тн-αℓιѕнαℓσνєѕтσяу.вℓσgѕρσт.¢σм

No ripping
I write what I want, when I want
Everyone's welcome
If you wish to spam, click here =>

THIS BLOG IS BEST VIEWED IN APPLE SAFARI & MOZILLA FIREFOX ONLY

♥ Better known as SASHA
♥ Perpetual Love with ALIF
♥ Turns a year older on every 11 January
♥ Nicotine
♥ Alcoholic
♥ I LOVE myself
♥ Career as a Sales & Admin Executive & Head of Department
♥ Adores Winnie The Pooh & Diamonds
♥ Addicted to my personal drug called ALIF(:
♥ I do make-up for engagements only
For enquiry,e-mail me at shasha.sajariah@gmail.com
OR
Sajariah Mohamad