Whenever I browse through something that had a link to us, it always bring back the memories of our past. See, I can't stop it. It's beyond my control.
Eventhough we've made a pact not to ever mentioned nor talk about it anymore, but being a sensitive person(like I've always been), I can't stop my mind from conquering anything that it wants to. It hurt so bad, you know?
Sometimes, I feel like giving it a pass and let bygone be bygone. But the incident that took place which left me stranded, makes me feel insecured, and I always think that, once it happened, it will happen again. Anytime soon, maybe..
Dear Diary,
You are the only one who feels me thoroughly. I enter you and I spent time typing in you. If only you could talk...
At times, when I'm alone and the memory flashes back in mind, all that I feel I need to do is to let you go. I can't go on like this. I can't control what's beyond my reach. Promises has been made, but words are easy to say, it's us who gotta have to do it.
Dear Allah,
It's with you I can only turn to. Open up my heart, bring shine to it. Let me forget the past and live with the future. Only YOU who understands me completely. It's only YOU who can change what's beyond my reach. It's only to YOU I'm seeking for help. Only YOU, know how I feel deep inside.
Allah, all I'm asking for is not much. I need to clear my past that has been wandering in my mind. Please let me lose my memory. I want to start a new. I've faced too many obstacles in life, too many of them till I can't possibly remember them all. I've faced too many nice and bad people.
Dear Allah,
May you listen to my prayers. I may not be filial like you want me to, but I definitely think about YOU everytime I am about to do something. Allah, may you bless my life with lovely people, who treasure, love, understand me. Keep away all the hatred that people might have on me. Keep away all the jealousy they have on me. Keep the love they have for me.
I have never asked to lead life like this. I never asked to be born. Eventhough life seems perfect to me, nevertheless, it destroyed part of me. I wish to be re-born and lead a perfectly beautiful life. With no jealously surrounding me. I wish I could be someone else. Someone who's blessed with a great family and great company.
It doesn't mean by posting this, I am living a hard life. No, not at all. I love my life, some how, I just love to be in someone's else place.
Being a beautiful person doesn't mean living a beautiful life, doesn't mean we own beautiful body nor beautiful people surrounding us. Being beautiful does not mean anything if the world doesn't appreciate it. Being beautiful doesn't mean guys run after us. Being ugly is better if it makes people stop judging us, if it makes people stop feeling jealous towards us.
I am thankful that I'm blessed with inner and outer beauty. I am thankful that I was born into this family. I am thankful that I've met my soulmate. I am thankful that I am a Muslim. I am thankful that I am able to appreciate every part of this world. I am thankful to Allah for making me better person.
Alhamdulilah. And Insya-Allah, may my generations be filled with happiness, beauty & perfect health.
✿(◠‿◠)✿ Love, Shasha @ 8:30 PM
♥iLah NaBiLah♥