I have never been happier when I have these 2 people by my side. They brighten up my days. See how we grew up together? From primary school, to secondary school (they both were in the same school, but were still in contact), to ITE. I know, they are the true friends, that money or anything else in this world can't trade for. I am seriously proud of US.


We used to be always in a short term relationship, but look at us now. We have found the right person whom we want to share our lives with.

Every crisis and misunderstanding we had, we managed to go through without any hassle. And I got a feeling, that this friendship will last forever, Insya-Allah.

I bet people are jealous of us. Awww, don't be. You'll find one if you are a true friend.

So anyway, tonight is going to be our first night of fun. No, don't get the wrong idea just yet. Just wait for my next post, so you'll know.

I love them to bits and pieces. See you girls tonight!



Tentatively, there might be changes in my marriage plan..
But still, Insya-Allah, everything will be a great one.. Hopefully..

Currently, I have nothing to blog about. But I just feel like typing (though I type every single minute).
What should I blog about?

Oh great! Remember about the mysterious guy which I blogged about yesterday? Well, he didn't visit me yesterday. Or maybe he knows I'm too tired to meet him, even in my dreams. Hmm.. I know it sounds crappy to fall in love or miss the guy in you dreams. I mean, yeah, com'on, I know it will never be a reality to meet that kind of guy in this earth. Maybe he's an alien from outa space? Ok lame.. But seriously, who could that be? I'm unable to see his face. I don't know his name, where he came from etc etc.. But the thing is, we look so perfect together.
Oh bby! Sorry to say all this, but its just a dream.

Oh alright.. Enough of "him"..

Well, gotta go now. I suddenly have this guilty feeling and I feel so so bad about it. I really shouldn't have done that.



Have any of your dreams came true? I have.. Tons of them....

It started when I was barely 16, I think. Or maybe younger? On one particular day, before dawn, I dreamt about something that really shocked the hell out of me..
I dreamt that was I in a deserted toilet (God knows where), and I was looking at myself in the mirror. Then I smiled widely. And the next thing I knew, all my teeth fell out into tiny crunch bits, but there were no blood at all. Imagine myself without a single teeth, AT ALL. Funny? Ya, laugh lah laugh!!

So when I woke up, I told my mom about the weird dream, but all she managed to say was "pray hard". Well, I didn't think much about it then. And so, I enjoyed the next few days, weeks, as per normal routine.

One day, I received a bad news. A close relative, or my grands passed away(I couldn't remember who it was).

After the ceremony and everything, mom approached me and then explained what was my dream meant. I was shocked but could not do anything. After that, I did dream a few times again about my teeth falling out. And then, someone I knew, passed away. Well, see, I don't wish to have this signs given to me. I really don't want it.

Then there where times when I dreamt that my fiance is cheating on me. I dreamt about it continuously. And guess what? I was true :( -Thanks Allah for this.

Again, earlier this year, I dreamt of a friend being pregnant with her 2nd child. Well, told her about it though. She, didn't know about her pregnancy said she hoped she is. So as days goes by, when she realised that her menses were a few days late, she decided to check on it. She bought a pregnancy test, and guess what? The result was positive! See? Another dream came true. Congrats!

And for this past 2 weeks, I have been dreaming of a mysterious guy who visit me often in my dream. I don't know who he is, what his name is, how he looks like. All I know is, he is such a gentleman, where no one in this world is capable like him. I mean, like seriously. I think I'm falling in love with him (hehe! Sorry bby..) And the thing is, everytime I dream of him, its like a new episode. Like a continuous story. We stop at episode one, then a few days later, when I dream of him, we continue the episode one, then to episode 2.. Like, amazing man..

Who is this Hamba Allah? Is he bringing a good sign? Or is he just passing by? Or is it just a fantasy? Who is he?? Why he often visit me in my dream? Do I know him????



The only thing I wish to do in life is to enjoy my life to the fullest.. How?

Things I wish I am:

1) Rich with legitimate wealth
2) Healthy in a sense of everything
3) To be around a fun surrounding without any jealousy or hatred
4) To be loved and appreciated
5) To never forget Him no matter what I do

I don't ask for much.
Dear Allah, grand these wishes for me.. Please?




Its 40 mins past 0400hr, and I can't sleep a wink. All I did was cried buckets. Because?? ....

See, the friendship we built for 4 years, is breaking apart. Its just a misunderstanding of not being there for each other when in times of need. I can see how hurt you are when you texted us like that. But what makes you so sure that we left you out? We invited you to the occasion and plans that we organised. But it's either that you're busy with work or out with your own plan. So, tell me, what were we supposed to do then?

She, took the initiative to text the both of us, everytime she wants to held a reunion. But it was always, either me or you who can make it. Your work schedule is inflexible, and I have my career to worry about as well. It's either me or you who were always busy. And plus, the 3 of us are attached! And of course we need some time to spend with our partner.

But! Did you ever took up the time or initiative to text or even call me up? No u did not. So why are u blaming me for not sparing my time with u? And have you ever shared your problems with me? I did, but have you? No! And the thing that made me felt really bad, was when u said "someone separated you and her".. Who else are u referring to if it's not me? I'm the only one she have!

You texted her today at 9.30pm, wanting her to spend the night at your house, whereas you know that she can't be home after 12midnight. Then you went haywire and started this mess. You threw your tantrum for things that are not existed. You said things that were not true. If you only you would have texted me, God knows, I'll be there. You blamed us, blamed me for everything. So, now, I'm backing out, leaving you both to have quality time together.

I hate this separation. I hate that things have to end this way. The friendship we've built for 4 years, is breaking apart. We grew up together. Eventhough we were in the same primary school, but we weren't as closed as were are now. Though me and her have always been closed since primary school. But we started this friendship back in 2006. And now...

Maybe, I was the cause of it. I didn't try to understand you. I didn't try to listen to your stories. I didn't spare my time enough for you. My sacrifices weren't enough. Now, just let me go..



What I may type here may imply to someone, but I am definitely not finger pointing nor I'm gonna say the name.
If you think it's you, then, I have no say.

You see, I heard tons saying "Repent before it's too late". Well, see, I thank to whoever that pointed that out to me, knowing that I was once a bad kid who always got into trouble and tried something mischievious. However, how can you force someone where as you, yourself ain't gonna repent?

I know, and I saw that you've changed. Can't deny that. But, what's the point if you changed but you still talk bad about someone. Everyone is always wrong in your eyes, everyone is the bad one to you. You always have something bad to talk about someone. Have you ever considered yourself being in mine or other people's shoe? Knowing that people thought you've changed, but nevertheless, the gossip is still surrounding you.

You complain about her to me. Then you go to her and complain about me. Have you ever respected who I am to you? Eventhough I may just be a year, two or three years older than you. Have you ever spare a thought about my feelings? You always want everything in your way. Always it is.

You kept complaining how I look bad under Allah. You kept saying to wake up and repent. Yes, I envy you for your faithfulness toward Allah. But with your attitude like that, you're just bringing more shame.

Stop talking about other people if you don't want people to talk abt you.

I respected you for who you are to me. I swear I didn't expect to be treated this way in return. How do you feel now? HURT? See, what you feel is nothing compared to what I feel.

Listen to me and grow up. See you whenever I see you.



In case, people don't know, yes, I do make up. After uploading Nurul Jannah's engagement photos, I received a number of PM at my FB and e-mail. People who are on my silent friends list started asking how much I would normally charge for a day make-up. Some even asked for a bridal make-up. Honestly, it's an honored for me. In case, if you haven't read"about me", I said "I do make up for engagements only".

The reason is simple. I do not think I am able to handle such a task,yet. For engagement, yes. I did quite a number of make up for engagements. And I think my chargers is way too reasonable, until I received feedback from customer saying that I should mark up my price. Should I?

Ok, so back to the "marriage proposal". I just don't have the confidence yet. One thing for sure, if I agree to it, just please bear in mind that I don't supply bridal wears. I'll only do the make-up and hair, and I'll take care of you for the whole occasion. Other than that, I don't.

Just give me some time to build my confidence aite? I love you people.



So, another assignment accomplished. This time round, a friend of mine. My 3rd customer for the year. Hopefully I'll have more coming, Insya-Allah.

Alhamdulilah, she was happy with the result and wanted me to be her make up artist on her big day. Congratulation Nurul Jannah. May you have a smooth journey ahead and wish you the best in life.



Whenever I look at her, it reminds me of the shit that she did to me.
It brings back all the things that she did to hurt me.
Years after years, she just can't see the way I live my life happily.

She would do anything beyond our expectations, just to bring me down.
She would go to the extend to even make up a big lie to the person who gave birth to me.
She would even get in contact with my ex-boyfriend and break us apart.
She would do anything and everything.

What in the world is she thinking?
Just who am I to her?
Why would she do this to me?
She said she loves me, but why must she do this to me?

I can't possibly run away from her, or force myself to not look at her.
How? We are living under one roof.. Her glimpse is everywhere near me.
I wish to run far away from home, never to come back.
I wonder what spells she put on everyone that makes everyone believe her.
I wonder up to when will she do this to me?

I feel so disgusted when ever she tried talking to me.
All I wished I could do was to give a punch right in her face.
She destroyed my life, my happiness, my relationship, my properties and my trust!
She even destroyed the love we once shared as a SISTER.

I hate her. I really really do.
Oh God, forgive me for my sins. And forgive me for hating her.



Oh well.. Another misuderstanding I supposed.

Why get so work out over a little issue?? I didn't say I didn't enjoy the day nor did I blamed you.
I said "my plan didn't work out the way I planned it would"

Oh gosh! Wished you're so much wiser to think this through.
Grow up little miss.



If I were a boy,
Even just for a day.
I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on want I wanted and go.
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I'd kick it with who ever I wanted
And I never get confonted for it
Cause they would stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think that Id understand
How it feels to love a girl
And I swear Id be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When u lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell her that its broken
So they'll think
That I was sleeping alone
I'd put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause i know that
She'll be faithful
Waiting for me to come home

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake think I'd forgive you like that
If you thought that I would wait for you, you thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don't understand
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you're were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

But you are just a boy...









Yes, indeed. Having an unfaithful partner is what I would never ask for. And to be one, would never be on my "to-do" list. I've seen tons of unfaithful partners who ended breaking up in their relationship. I would trade for anything *err except something?* just not to have an unfaithful partner.

I am talking in experience.

I have been in a relationship with so many ups and downs. Married couple do fight too, why can't unmarried couples then? Except, unmarried couples always quarrel over little things like, no time to spend with each other due to curfew, inflexible working hours, misunderstandings over little things etc etc etc..

Recently, like some of you may know, I am having a terrible time. Or shall I say, I'm having doubts. I know though its a too personal for me to share it here, I don't mind at all. Because I created this space for me to put down my thoughts and feelings.

Most of girls my age, still love being under the disco light, spend their nights flirting around, having drinking session with girls + GUYS, and then cry when their boyfriend leave/abandon them. Why should they even cry, what for? See, people like that who still want to enjoy, then enjoy. You know that you're being unfaithful, you're not in the right path.

Well, can't help it if both partners are being unfaithful.

All I'm trying to say is, once it happens, we girls bet it will definitely happen again. Or even if it didn't, the trust is no longer strong like it was before. I've been in different kinds of relationship before I finally found one that I want to settle down with. People may say I'm too young to get married, enjoy! live life to the fullest.. errr?? That should never be imposed to me. What if I spend my night today, flirting around with guys under the disco light, and then on my way home, I got knocked down by a truck *touch wood* and died instantly. And I know for sure, people surrounding me will have bad impression of me, just seeing the way my dead body lies on the road with the slutty dress I put on. And then, I will never get to experience being in married life. Yes, we can't fight death, and we can't run for it. But why waste our time?

Oh, NO! Don't get the wrong picture. My fiance isn't like that, and I am pretty sure of it.. Because he spend his nights everyday with me.

However, I kept asking myself. Will I gain back the trust that we used to have for each other? Will I be able to forget the past and start anew? Not all past are to be forgotten. Indeed, some past makes us a better person. It taught us to be more mature, to know whats right and whats wrong. To know who is the evil lying behind of all evils. To know who is the mastermind of all bad deeds.

Its been months now, but still, the memories are still fresh in my mind. HOW?

Oh, yeap.. I've changed my link.. It looks more like us now.

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♥ Better known as SASHA
♥ Perpetual Love with ALIF
♥ Turns a year older on every 11 January
♥ Nicotine
♥ Alcoholic
♥ I LOVE myself
♥ Career as a Sales & Admin Executive & Head of Department
♥ Adores Winnie The Pooh & Diamonds
♥ Addicted to my personal drug called ALIF(:
♥ I do make-up for engagements only
For enquiry,e-mail me at shasha.sajariah@gmail.com
OR
Sajariah Mohamad